The First Blueprint

i take the first time frame
the loosely sketched map
the outlines of a blueprint
fold it up neatly
& place it in my back pocket
i try not to think on it
to dwell on the knowledge that its there
drafted up in all its giddy hope
& astronomical projection
i have to believe that that’s all it was
drunk on future talk
& wide-eyed optimism

To write out something so far from the truth
of how you operate
of how time chases us
with no pause for respite
of how jarring it would be for me to trust
a document
a pact
of our commitment
by solidifying dates
& co-signed
intertwined
forevers

No.
a wise person looks at patterns
not promises
& so for my own self preservation
as well as yours
i must tuck it away
with loving care
in order to not care
so much
when it doesn’t come true.

global warning

im afraid for our future
i stay up swiping through reposted articles
about unexplainable beached whales
untamable fires
plastic outnumbering fish in the sea
& have to wonder
do we really have a chance?
will we get the life
where we grow old
& have kids?
isn’t it a disservice, to want kids
only to leave them in the mess of our making?
will we have the years
to travel to the breathtaking sights?
& will they still be there for us,
when we seek them out?
its enough worry
to engulf me
much like the oceans will
unless i burn to a crisp first
its debilitating
crippling

& yet
theres this tiny dissonant thought
im assuming its the innate
primate in me
that encourages fight over flight
life over death.
it softly murmurs
in the spaces between
the cold hard beating,
& what if
despite all to come
you will have
a wonderful life?

he only dates with intention
he doesnt waste his time with girls
he doesnt see a possible forever with

hes cautious
& rational
& thinks ten steps ahead

but somewhere
in those plans
in that practical future
he sees a possibility of us.
im a probability
& i want him to bet on my odds.