The First Blueprint

i take the first time frame
the loosely sketched map
the outlines of a blueprint
fold it up neatly
& place it in my back pocket
i try not to think on it
to dwell on the knowledge that its there
drafted up in all its giddy hope
& astronomical projection
i have to believe that that’s all it was
drunk on future talk
& wide-eyed optimism

To write out something so far from the truth
of how you operate
of how time chases us
with no pause for respite
of how jarring it would be for me to trust
a document
a pact
of our commitment
by solidifying dates
& co-signed
intertwined
forevers

No.
a wise person looks at patterns
not promises
& so for my own self preservation
as well as yours
i must tuck it away
with loving care
in order to not care
so much
when it doesn’t come true.

kis·met

ˈkizmit,-ˌmet/
noun
noun: kismet
  1. destiny; fate.

i may not know if this is the forever kind of thing,
but i ask God
that if its in his plan
to please continue to reveal to me
how wonderful you are
each & every day i have the privilege to even look at you
let alone hold your hand.

& if not,
to please be kind,
& grant me the biggest
boldest
most painful sign
that i cant help but acknowledge.

basically
tear you away from me,
in the most brutal way
because im too caught up in this
to ever do it myself.