dusk at disney

we sit there, having finished our meal
me pressed to your side, people watching
we quietly observe the tired families who pass us
pushing on to make their time
their money
well spent.
your arm is draped over my shoulder, casually.
im peaceful. im happy.
“are you gonna be devastated when i leave?” he asks,
i pause, holding my breath, pressing my lips hard together to keep from blurting out my truth.
“im really worried about you that’s why…” he says, filling the silence i created, as he leans in to kiss the side of my head.
“i dunnoooo… i mean, what do you think? .. are you going to be? devastated i mean?” i shift away from him so i can turn to see his face.
“yeah, i’ll be a lil’ devastated” he shrugs.
“i just.. i dunno. i don’t do well with change– well no one does i guess. but i’m a creature of habit. i like plans. this will just shift… things. im afraid of the unknown.”
“yeah i know”
“i mean… i could fly mostly Pheonix. i like it. it’s good credit.. and i could visit. but is that what you’d want?”
“yeah of course!”
“but i don’t want you to feel obligated to see me, just because i’m flying there. i don’t want to be an obligation.”
“no. you won’t be.. but you have to understand, studying is studying. that’s a non-negotiable. after those first 9 months of school, i’ll have more flexibility”
“i get that…” i nod slowly, reassuring him of my being on the same page, “yeah. i get it.” i reaffirm, giving a final, concise nod, as if my chin was a firm handshake agreeing to these terms.
i lean back into him as we resume our people watching, letting our words sink in
” i just need you to know though..” i begin, looking down at my lap, “this,” i draw a circle widely with my hand in the space before me, “whatever this is… it’s important to me… you know?” i turn to face him again, to make sure he understands.
my eyes flit acros
the weight.
the power he holds.
his eyes shrink to mischievous slits, “oh? this isnt just fun for you?” he smirks.
i nervously laugh, “no. you know it isn’t. not for me. for you?”
he stops smiling, “no. its not.”
“ok. good.” i nod.

its not ground breaking
but its a start.

updated reads (raves & reviews)

So with my new career developing, ive found a lot of additional time for leisure reading. its definitely an added bonus that i didnt foresee. stiff airport chairs, comfy hotel beds, anywhere i get the chance to kill a few hours by reading, i seize it. that being said, this is why i have a fresher list of books ive thoroughly enjoyed & books id rather not have paid good money for. i hope you find this list helpful if not amusing!

Screen Shot 2015-08-11 at 1.58.21 AMThe Cuckoo’s Calling & The Silkworm – Rolbert Galbraith (aka JK Rowling)
So i reluctantly finished The Cuckoo’s Calling expecting the enrapturing way JK Rowling wrote The Harry Potter series, however either murder mystery really isnt my cup of tea, or she just isnt convincingly able to enthrall me in the heated pursuit of murder suspects. not to say i dont enjoy the plot, but i find myself more disenchanted with how difficult it is to follow each character’s motives & whereabouts when i dont feel they’re developed enough for me to fully care. im more interested in racing to the end just to know whodunnit as opposed to stringing together clues & hunches on my own & seeing if my gut is correct at the end. when i was little i loved The Boxcar Children series by Gertrude C. Warner & occasionally read Nancy Drew books as well. sure the amount of violence is PG13 and nowhere near as gory as JK Rowling’s novels, but at least the characters kept me guessing. I bought The Silkworm & finished it in hopes of Rowling being able to win me over the way i was devoted to her wizarding tales, but it just wasn’t so. she has the third installment of this Cormoran Strike series to be released October 20th this year, but i dont intend on wasting my time. fooled me once, shame on you, fooled me twice shame on me. fool me thrice.. & im an idiot who doesnt learn to spend my money more wisely.

10% Happier – Dan Harris
In the preface, Harris openly admits to almost naming his book, “The voice in my head is an asshole.” That itself was the clincher. After seeing YouTube guru Kalelkitten rave about this book, I thought what’s the harm? Im not easily convinced into reading self-help books or anything of that nature, although my bf is pro any “posi-vibe” reading, & get rich smarter type genres, i usually steer far away from that entire section of the bookstore. reading is supposed to be fun, & take me to other realms, not be a debbie downer about how i spend my money inappropriately & am going to be unable to retire until im in my grave with the way i shop. however, this book has convinced me that there is hope for the self-help genre. it just has to be written by a smart, funny, sarcastic author for me to like it. the tiresome repetition of books like The Five Love Languages by Gary D. Chapman, The Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell, & Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert T. Kiyosaki (yes.. i caved & tried some of my bf’s suggestions) isnt present in 10% Happier. i hate how tedious step programs can be, & how annoying chapters on counseling this couple or that couple lead to this result, even if the factors differ from my own. 10% Happier gives you a very real, honest, candid perspective on how much happier taming the inner voice we all have really can make you — which ultimately he claims is only by 10%. Harris takes on the challenge of understanding various cultural norms to be at peace with himself, & eventually finds a balance within his life. this book single handedly convinced me to sign up for yoga classes & work on inner self-loathing. there’s no preachy “this is how you should achieve happiness” message, & instead just a narrative in which you follow Harris’ personal journey to enlightenment.

Glitch – Hugh Howey
Howey has quickly made it to one of my favorite authors. any book i see with his name on it that i havent read, i’ll purchase without hesitation. Glitch is a short story & sadly too quick of a read, and my only qualm (which is not truly a negative mark at all) is that i always end up wanting more. Robots who begin to show signs of having a mind of their own? Acting independently of what we program them to do? Sounds very movie-esque but no one quite writes like Howey does to pull it off quite so well.

The Farseer Trilogy – Robin Hobb
So im verrry late to the party on this — but its a good thing. for if i had found Hobb earlier, id be stuck like i am with George R.R. Martin, with no end in sight to his series.  Hobb has a good 6 trilogies under her belt, so although ive completed the first one, & am steadily making my way through the second, im hoping i can savor her novels enough so that i never catch up to the point where she’s still writing, & im still waiting. the best way i can describe Hobb’s books is if Harry Potter & Game of Thrones had a baby. but its a cute baby. it got all the best traits of both series. it has the magical elements of Harry Potter, but the time frame & characters are very reminiscent of Game of Thrones.  What i found frustrating about Game of Thrones was how quickly Martin threw in so many important characters, & it was hard to keep track of alliances & names — not so in Hobb’s.  Now i can only hope that HBO doesn’t find this old treasure & ruin it into tv oblivion.

I am currently reading The Goldfinch by Donna Tart, the second trilogy set, Liveship Traders Trilogy by Robin Hobb, & started but didnt complete Sand by Hugh Howey (i put it on pause because at the time i wasnt devoting it the full amount of attention it deserved).  I also finished Fight Dirty by CJ Lyons but it was so “meh” that it wasnt even worth truly reviewing, & The Light Between Oceans by M.L. Stedman is still on my must read list. im also so happy that All The Light We Cannot See is getting widely known & duly recognized.  At least twice a week i’ll see a guest with that book in tow & i wont hesitate to praise Anthony Doerr’s writing to high heavens. Lemme know in the comments if there’s any novels i should add to my short queue :]

– mm.