you need to rewire your hardware she said
because your associations have gone all wrong
because this is normal she explains, pointing inside the circle she drew
& this is you she states in her matter of fact tone,
tapping the paper
the empty space outlying the black ink curve.
because you take intimacy
but sense danger
from someone you love.
this is bad, she explains.
as if me coming to her wasn’t doing my part in admitting something was off.. with me.
your subconscious is telling you it’s wrong
even if you aren’t thinking it
you’re feeling it
so bring it to your level of consciousness
& disassociate it, is her casual solution.
like reminding someone to not forget their lunch at home next time.
like telling someone to remember to wash their hands after using the bathroom.
like its so easy.
like its instinctive.
do what everyone else knows to do.
no pamphlets on the 12 Steps Towards an Intimate Future
just an irreverent ultimatum:
if you want to be alone for the rest of your life, continue on this path.
you don’t have to care about sex or intimacy.
because you will be alone if you are like this.