i don’t like vegas.
i don’t like the smoke
and the noisy machines
or how people meander aimlessly
mentally assessing which machines are “lucky” today
and how they halt in the middle of walkways to watch someone else win it big
i don’t like the skepticism
& hooplah made about “almoooostttt” winning that one time..
i don’t like black friday shopping
the way i get hit by bags while navigating crowded outlet malls
or people snatching items right out from in front of you
i don’t like the greed & overindulgence i see in people
it makes me lose my appetite for shopping altogether.

i’m a recluse.
a girl of solitude.
i enjoy knitting.
& sleeping in without an alarm.
endless chatter
& flashing lights
& the constant smoke
grinds on me.
wears on me.
until i feel like all i am are frayed edges.

the moments i live for
the time that makes me giddy inside
& gives me the slightest bit of hope for finding joy in this adventure next year
is the four hour drive from LAX to LAS.
just you,
me,
maroon5 pandora station
& the deep dark sky
the openness could swallow you whole
but there’s us.
in our SUV.
where i don’t have to feel guarded
& rushed
where i can listen to you sing off-key
& tell me for the hundredth time how much you love maroon5.
i live for peaceful moments.
we are so different.
& i often feel so worn down
by making parts of me smaller
& trading out pieces for other shinier ones
to make my plainness less noticeable
but our road trip moments make me feel
whole again.
like the girl on that drive
her entire being
is enough.

Author: earthtomars

we're bigger than the sum of broken parts.

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