doe-eyed doll-face

she has lashes that almost touch her eyebrows
i thought to myself
silently cursing my genes
that gave me barely there
wispy little things
& not wispy in a, “cute, exotic, untouchable” way
but in the, “they look like someone plucked beetle legs,
broke them,
& sprinkled them onto my eyelids” kind of way.
hers are full, and healthy, and long, and make her eyes wide.
her eyes.
They look like they could swallow the world whole with her doe-eyed gaze
not slanted
& uneven
& the losing card in my deck of features
featured on my face.

are they natural? are they extensions? how does she do it?
i must emulate, & pray
that with all the serums,
primers, solutions, & tricks
that my lashes could at least strive to be 30%
of what hers are.
so i investigate
video after video
FINALLY! a makeup tutorial
im hopeful in discovering the secret to long lashes

but wait..
her perfect
sunkissed freckles
that bridge her perfect little nose
that she wears proudly in ever photo
every vlog
every “i woke up like this” moment
are drawn in
with a brand-less
brown
eyeliner pencil.

Bare-faced,
they’re not just “barely there”
they’re nonexistent
i thought to myself
silently comforted in my genes
that gave me true
sunkissed freckles
sprinkled over my bridge-less asian nose
& speckled on the apples of my too-round cheeks

Roosevelt may be mostly right
when he said:
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
However,
in some rare cases
it may also bring solace.

marshmallow

there’s this simple test
theorists use to determine the success of children
they call it the marshmallow test.
they offer a child a marshmallow,
but also propose
that if they can wait
and resist the first marshmallow
they’ll be rewarded with two.
the impulsive, take the first
seizing the opportunity for gooey sugary goodness in the now
the successful, are those who wait
understanding the double reward for their self control
i am the sugar-driven
impulsive
marshmallow-craving child
only,
the parameters of my test
weren’t clear on the outset.
the two prized marshmallows after my patience
was not a guarantee.
it was a possibility
& i
not wanting to be left
wanting
knowing one is better than none
took that first marshmallow
like it was the last piece of heaven
i’d ever taste.