leave the leverage

i need to learn to leave the scales
the weighing of equal deeds & favors

i need to adapt to a world
where i cant feel guilty
everytime i ask you to attend a family function
like its one more tally against me
for being weak enough to want you there.

i need to accept my right to feel
like i need you
even if in my mind i havent done enough
to deserve it

we may trade in different currencies
but they’re exchanged for the same reason
i need to remember
that to turn our gestures
into leveraged goods
is to make it a transaction
& not an act of grace.