i learned early on, to only shoot from the hip.
i sacrificed accuracy for speed
& found the quickest way to hurt
to hopefully deter someone from hurting me first.
in a quickdraw
i learned the best insults
are those delicately weaved
with bits of truth.
the hailing blow of rounds
create the initial wound
but the truths become eviscerating shards
that claw their way into every good you thought was yours
i could always win with this tactic
but the victory was hollow
no relationship can survive that kind of attack
because you’d never know whether i really think of you that way
or if i just said it in the heat of the moment.
no amount of kissing soaked eyelashes can erase that.
so i put the guns
the barbed threats
the trophies away
& decided to fight fair
but im still learning.
in those pregnant pauses
when im staring out the window at the passing headlights reflecting in your mirror
im not ignoring you.
im not checked out.
im taking what i think
& dissecting it
evaluating its weight
because sometimes its hard for me to deliver the truth
without feeling like the truth is just a raised white flag.